You might think the most important lessons in life come in your twenties or thirties — but according to Diane Button, a death doula with nearly two decades of experience, the real revelations often come in your final days.
20 years of comforting dying people
Death is the one certainty we all share, yet most of us avoid thinking about it. But in those final moments, clarity hits — what truly mattered in life, who we loved, and the regrets we carry.
Diane Button has spent nearly 20 years guiding people through the emotional, spiritual, and practical realities of dying. From witnessing final moments to hearing words most of us never get to hear, she’s discovered one undeniable truth: “You can’t wait until you’re dying to discover what matters most… to you.”
In an interview with Daily Mail, Diane explained, “For two decades, I’ve sat with people as they took their final breaths, witnessed final moments and heard heartfelt words most people never get to hear — conversations that aren’t about money, status, or success. They’re about love and gratitude… and just as often, about regret.”
Time and time again, she heard the same heart-wrenching words:
“I wish I had lived my life differently.”
Now, Diane shares the six deceptively simple questions she asks all her clients — a “Final Checklist” designed to uncover regrets, repair relationships, and create peace before the end arrives. And she stresses these questions aren’t just for the dying —they’re for anyone still living who wants to avoid ending life with regret.
Here are the six questions Diane urges everyone to ask themselves:
Who matters most?
“At the end, it all comes down to a few special relationships,” Diane says. “Those whose hands you want to hold when you take your final breath.”
What matters most?
“Possessions and titles fade. What rises instead is spirituality, connection, and contribution. If life were short, where would you focus your time and energy? Don’t wait — redirect it now.”
What keeps you awake at night?
Diane asks this to help her clients confront what robs them of peace. She urges the living to do the same. “Face the things that steal your peace today so you can live more fully.”
What brings you joy in the daytime?
“As our lives come to an end, the outside world fades and what is left is the simplicity of everyday life,” Diane explains. “Joy comes from ordinary moments—a morning coffee, a shared laugh, a quiet sunrise.”
What is left unsaid?
Many people die with words unspoken, and Diane emphasizes their power. “One call or note can change a life, including your own. Say it now. Don’t let your words go unspoken.”
What is left undone?
Regrets can weigh heavily at the end of life, she says. “Ask yourself what you still want to do — and then take steps to follow your passions while you still can.”
Diane doesn’t just ask these questions of her clients—she asks them of herself every month, writing down her answers, revisiting them, and adjusting as her life evolves.
“Again and again,” she says, “I’ve heard the same aching words: ‘I wish I had lived my life differently.’ The greatest lesson? Don’t wait.”
Life is short, and none of us knows how much time we have left. Reflect on what truly matters, speak the words that need saying, and chase the moments that bring you joy. Don’t wait until it’s too late – start living with intention today!
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