Even in the best relationships, intimacy can sometimes take a nosedive, leaving couples confused and frustrated.
But according to a dating expert, there’s one key reason some women hit pause on sex with their husbands — and it’s not what you might think.
Sex isn’t everything in a relationship, but it does matter. Regular intimacy can strengthen your bond, reduce stress, improve sleep, boost immunity, and even support heart health.
And yet, some women simply stop having sex with their husbands — and one expert thinks she knows why.
Dr. Sarah Hensley, a dating coach with a PhD in social psychology, recently shared her insights in a TikTok clip that’s racked up over 2.9 million views.
“The primary reason why women stop having sex with their husbands is because they don’t feel emotionally safe,” Hensley explained.
She broke it down further:
“The reason that they don’t feel emotionally safe is because their attachment needs are not being met inside of their relationship.”
In other words, if women don’t feel secure and valued, their bodies and minds both start to shut down.
“Attachment needs are our deepest needs inside of a romantic relationship, and if those things are not fulfilled we will not feel emotionally safe. Especially for women, when there is a lack of emotional safety, they start feeling very unsafe giving their bodies to their partner, and they start to feel extremely unattracted to their partner.”
Hensley says understanding these needs is crucial because they vary from person to person.
“The anxious-preoccupied woman’s biggest need is love, affection, and reassurance. So they need lots of reassurance every single day that you love them and that the relationship is stable,” she said.
“For the dismissive-avoidant woman, it’s going to be space, autonomy, and lack of criticism—aka peace and harmony inside the relationship.”
When these needs aren’t met, Hensley explains, a mismatch forms that can quietly erode intimacy over time. Women may voice what they need, but if their partner isn’t listening — or isn’t able to provide it — the relationship becomes unstable, and sexual desire often fades as a result.
Research backs this up, but many viewers pointed out that other factors can also play a role.
“I think hormonal changes play a bigger part,” one person commented. Another added: “Broken trust is a huge turn off.”
Some shared personal experiences:
“My emotional needs weren’t fulfilled when I had to act like his mother: take care of him like a child. He was a 100% capable adult man.”
And another wrote:
“And they act so surprised when you’re not in the mood after they shouted with you all day long and broke some things around the house.”
At the end of the day, Hensley’s message is clear: emotional safety is everything. Without it, physical intimacy can quickly disappear. Do you agree? Share you thoughts in the comments.
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