According to experts, there is one commonly used sentence that women often utter in the bedroom that can potentially be a turn-off for men.
When it comes to intimacy, everyone has different preferences, and what works for one person might not work at all for another. Having open and honest conversations is therefore crucial to creating a healthy and satisfying sex life.
According to sex expert Gigi Engle and psychotherapist Alec Williams, however, there is a three-word phrase many women use in the bedroom that might not always land well with men. They say the words “Don’t stop, harder” – which most men have heard at some point – can actually trigger self-doubt and anxiety rather than enhance the experience.
Instead of being perceived as praise, it may create pressure, according to Engle and Williams – not necessarily because of the words themselves, but because of how they can be interpreted.
“Where we run into a pitfall is assuming it’s really hot [to hear this], when for some, they’ll feel like they can’t cum too quickly or they’ll be a failure,” Gigi told Metro, according to VT.
“Or they might be going as hard as they can and then feel like ‘okay, I guess I’m not good enough,’ so it can create performance pressure.”
“This can affect how their bodies respond”
Williams explained the potential impact: “For many men, this can become a self-fulfilling cycle,” he said. “They focus so much on performance and ‘getting it right,’ they get stuck in their own head.
“Naturally, this can affect how their bodies respond, often leading to losing erections or being unable to orgasm, which creates more internal pressure for the next encounter.”
Engle added: “If they’re on the verge of ejaculating and you say ‘don’t stop, harder,’ they might just ejaculate, which can cause a shame spiral.”
Going harder or faster than what you’re comfortable with is, of course, never a good idea, and sex should always feel good for all parties involved. Overdoing it can create issues and make the experience less enjoyable.
“If you’re going harder or more vigorously than you’d like to, it can wear you out, and getting tired is going to make your erection go down, or cause delayed ejaculation,” Gigi explains, according to VT. “It can also go the opposite way, where you prematurely ejaculate because of so much stimulation.”
Communication is important
Both Engle and Williams also stress that, in many cases, “go harder” doesn’t mean faster – a misunderstanding that can create even more pressure.
“Firstly, harder doesn’t always mean faster; it can mean deeper thrusts that are really slow,” Engle says. “It doesn’t necessarily mean intense, vigorous jackhammering, and most people don’t like that anyway.
“Your partner contextualizing what they’re saying can be really helpful in alleviating that pressure.”
Like most things when it comes to sex and intimacy, communication is key.
“Having an open conversation with your partner about how you’re feeling during sex, and what would help you feel a greater sense of safety and connectedness could work,” Williams says.
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