With all the distractions and interruptions the modern world promises, it’s a wonder any two people can maintain a healthy relationship.
Largely gone are the days when a conversation consisted of individuals offering their full and unbroken attention to a counterpart. Now you’re lucky to go two minutes without one or the other party pulling out their cellphone for one reason or another.
If you’re anything like me, people staring at their phone screen while you’re in the midst of talking to them will leave you infuriated. Still, in an age where we carry around pocket-sized devices that aid, abet and assist our daily lives, it’s small wonder that the majority of us have developed the incessant habit of pulling them out frequently to check them.
Half the time I don’t even realize I’m doing it. One moment I’m deep in thought, or else completing some menial task, and the next I’m sitting with my phone in my hand, wondering how it got there.
Of course, the constant presence of a cellphone is not conducive to actual person-to-person interaction. Worse than that, it’s nothing short of rude to sit with your face glued to a small screen when you should be conversing with someone else.
There’s actually a term for it nowadays (one that I literally found out about this week). That term is ‘phubbing’.
Defined as the act of unintentionally ignoring someone in favour of your phone, it’s becoming evermore prevalent, and perhaps nowhere is it more common – and potentially more destructive – than in the home environment.
Phubbing doesn’t just relate to a person choosing to doom-scroll social media when they should be spending quality time with their partner either. There’s also been a frankly depressing rise in parents being glued to their phones when their children are trying to interact with them.
Suffice to say it’s an issue I think we’d all be better off tackling before it does damage, with experts warning about the emotional consequences it can have.
Dr Claire Hart, Associate Professor of Psychology at the University of Southampton, is the coauthor of a new study involving 196 people relating to their relationships and how phone use affects them.
The results of said study showed a clear link between the more ‘phubbed’ a person feels themselves to be and the worse their relationship is as a result.
Explaining the findings, Dr Hart said: “We know that everyone finds phubbing frustrating and annoying. It might seem trivial, but in relationships these small moments can mount up, creating a sense that your partner’s attention is elsewhere and that you’re less valued.”
So, what to do about it? Well, fortunately the best remedy, according to Dr Hart, is as simple as one would assume.
“Creating phone-free zones at mealtimes or before bed and discussing phone boundaries openly can help both partners feel respected,” she said.
“If you must check your phone, acknowledge the interruption, explain why and return your attention quickly.
“Simply put, put down your phone to pick up your relationship.”
Other experts tend to agree.
Dr Kaitlyn Regehr, Associate Professor at University College London, told BBC’s Woman’s Hour that when an individual reaches for their phone in the middle of interacting with someone else, they should announce why they’re doing it. Then, after whatever phone-related business is finished, the device should be promptly put down.
“It stops the other person feeling ignored,” Dr Regehr said.
What do you think about phubbing and how it affects relationships? Let us know in the comments.
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