Here are the four mistakes Bella and Jase made on their first “spicy cruise” – lessons that they now share to help others avoid the same missteps.
Bella and Jase have been together since 2007 and have openly shared much about their journey as swingers. On both Instagram and YouTube, where they’ve built a large following, they answer questions about their lifestyle as a non-monogamous couple.
A common misconception about their relationship, according to Bella and Jase, is that they started swinging because something was missing.
“We didn’t start swinging because something was digging or broken in our relationship. We chose to explore it together from a place of trust, curiosity & shared excitement. This lifestyle works best with strong communication, emotional security, and care for each other’s feelings. For us, it wasn’t about fixing anything or chasing something new, but about expanding an already solid connection,” they explain on Instagram.
What is a “spicy cruise”?
Even though they are polyamorous, they maintain clear boundaries: “Some of our boundaries may look different than those of monogamous couples, but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. We have clear rules, ongoing conversations, and expectations we follow, both inside and outside of the lifestyle.”
The couple has attended multiple “spicy cruises” – adult cruises where consenting couples explore swinging. While these vacations can be fun, exciting, and a great way to meet new people, they can also be nerve-wracking for first-timers.
Today, Bella and Jase are veterans of spicy cruises, but their first experience was far from smooth. On Instagram, they shared a list of “mistakes” they made on their first trip.
Their first mistake was arriving with the expectation of immediate connections. They explain: “We went in with the expectation of finding play partners at the forefront. We learned pretty quickly that expectations for play and connections can quietly set you up for disappointment. The only expectations that consistently work are focusing on enjoying the experience and being clear about your boundaries going in.”
“Making friends changes everything”
Another lesson they learned: take the initiative to approach others, rather than waiting to be approached.
“Making friends changes everything on LS vacation, and we didn’t realize that at first. We stayed in our comfort zone, felt a little awkward, and let the nerves creep in instead of saying hello. Once we started introducing ourselves and saying yes to conversations, the entire experience shifted,” they share.
Bella and Jase also advise against spreading yourself too thin by trying to attend every event or party.
“Now we know it’s better to choose what excites you most and show up with real energy for those things, instead of spreading yourself thin. It’s a marathon, not a sprint!”
For those considering a spicy cruise, they strongly recommend planning theme outfits in advance: “We didn’t put much effort into theme outfits at first. You never HAVE to dress for the theme – skipping is completely fine. But for us, planning outfits together built excitement before the trip even started. Theme outfits became instant icebreakers, sparked conversations, and made connecting feel more effortless. Now, it’s one of our favorite parts of the experience!”
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