A lawyer’s advice to expectant mothers ignited a heated debate online after she argued that babies should be given their mother’s surname at birth rather than automatically taking their father’s.
Dr. Charlotte Proudman shared her opinion on X, formerly known as Twitter, where she wrote: “A message to pregnant women – please give the baby your surname.”
She continued: “You carried a baby for 9 months, gave birth, and will be responsible for that child for the rest of your life.
“When you’re registering the baby ask yourself: why is the father’s surname more important than yours?”
The comments quickly turned into a debate over family names. One person challenged Proudman’s argument by pointing out that the surname a mother passes down could itself have originated with a man.
“Your surname is literally your dad’s,” they said, according to VT.
Sparked debate online
Another commenter took a similar approach, asking: “Counter-argument: why is the baby’s maternal grandfather’s surname more important than the baby’s father’s?”
Someone else argued: “Either you give your child the last name of your father or the last name of his father…. but either way, the last name will come from a male relative. This is not the win against the patriarchy you think it is,” another X user stated.
The discussion also prompted some men to weigh in. One user said he was “proud” to carry his father’s surname. Another man took a considerably stronger position, telling other fathers: “Kings, If she gives your child her father’s name, the child automatically becomes her father’s responsibility.
“Don’t stress it or spend a dime on a child who isn’t carrying your surname.”
But not everyone thought Proudman’s suggestion was controversial. Some had already made the decision to give their children their mother’s surname.
“100% – this should be the default,” one person commented.
“I wish my mum had given me her maiden name”
Another person wrote: “Did exactly this”, prompting praise from Proudman.
She later returned to the discussion with a message: “To all the women saying, ‘I wish I’d done that’ – please share this message with other women.”
For at least one commenter, the issue was deeply personal.
“I wish my mum had given me her maiden name. I hate my surname and [its] association to my father.”
Others, meanwhile, questioned why the decision needed to become such a major point of conflict in the first place.
“Or everyone can just do whatever they want and we don’t have to make it a thing,” one person wrote.
Not every culture follows the same naming tradition
The assumption that children should automatically receive their father’s surname is largely associated with Western naming traditions. Family naming practices vary significantly around the world, and some cultures and religions use different systems.
In some traditions, for example, family names can be connected to gender, with sons taking their father’s family name and daughters taking their mother’s.
Ultimately, there is no single approach to naming a child that applies to every family.
Proudman’s post has nevertheless reopened a much bigger question: when a baby is born, why should the father’s surname be considered the default?
For some parents, the answer may be tradition. For others, it may be the mother’s name, the father’s name, both names or something else entirely.
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