Ben Stiller has built a career on making people laugh, but in a rare moment of vulnerability, the actor and director is turning the lens on himself – and confronting what he calls the “worst decision” of his life.
In his new documentary, Stiller & Meara: Nothing Is Lost, which premiered Oct. 5 at the New York Film Festival, Ben Stiller opens up about how his famous upbringing shaped his own approach to parenting.
The film explores the dynamic between his legendary parents, Jerry Stiller. Who died 2020, and Anne Meara (died 2015), and how their comedic legacy influenced both his career and family life.
But it’s his honest conversations with his children, Ella, 23, and Quinlin, 20 – whom he shares with wife Christine Taylor, Marcia from The Brady Bunch – that reveal the emotional cost of chasing perfection.
Cuts daughter
One of the most striking moments in the film comes when the 59-year-old Tropic Thunder star sits down with his daughter and confesses a regret that still haunts him.
“I cut you out of Secret Life of Walter Mitty. It’s probably the worst decision I ever made in my life,” he told Ella.
Ella had been cast to play a younger version of Odessa Mitty – the sister of the main character Walter, played by Stiller – in the 2013 film. But her scene was left on the cutting room floor.
While the decision may have made sense from a directorial standpoint, it clearly left a lasting emotional impact on the father.
Fortunately, Ella looks back with grace and even a little humor. She admits she was nervous at the time and that the moment didn’t quite feel right.
“I was really scared,” she recalls. “It didn’t really make sense in the movie.”
Puts ‘a damper on the fun part’
His son also offered his perspective in the documentary. He described how his father’s intense work ethic and drive for perfection would sometimes get in the way of fully being present with the family.
“I think there’s things, you know, after a tough day or something was going wrong, you can get very much in your own head,” Quinlin said. “And I think, once you kind of go into that place…[it’s] hard to get you out of it. So that would, kind of, put a damper on the fun part about being on vacation.”
Quinlin adds, “You have all these hats that you’re trying to balance, you know? Being a director, an actor, a producer, a writer, but also just a father, right? And sometimes I felt that that would come last to these other things.”
‘Perfectionism’
The moment becomes more than just a conversation about a cut scene – it opens the door to a deeper issue.
For Stiller, it wasn’t just about the film. It was about his tendency to prioritize work and the pursuit of perfection over more personal connections.
“For me, it kind of goes deeper,” the Zoolander star said, per Page Six. “What it relates to is my own issues with my own obsession with my work, or perfectionism.”
That perfectionism, he reveals, is something he inherited – particularly from his father, who was known for starring roles in Seinfeld and The King of Queens.
“The irony is, I thought I was doing so much better than my parents. I thought I was pulling it off,” Stiller said about the pressures of growing up in a household built around performance and public life.
But after hearing how his children really felt, the Night at the Museum star admitted he had repeated some of the same patterns: “I was flying home on the weekends and having special places for the kids to play when they come visit the set, but in reality, and just hearing [the kids] talk about it for them, it was the same thing I was going through as a kid, and I just couldn’t see that at all at the time.”
‘Exactly how it was with my parents’
Still, despite the painful reflections, Stiller said he’s grateful for the honesty and openness of his children. He believes these conversations helped him see his blind spots as a parent and gave him a chance to grow.
“They [Ella and Quinlin] were very clear with me about what I got wrong,” he told People at the film’s premiere. “And I really appreciated that, because it’s one of those things where you think you know, ‘Oh, I know what I’m putting out there to them.’ But from their perspective, it was totally different.
“And by the way, that’s exactly how it was with my parents,” Stiller continued. “But as the parent, I really couldn’t see that. So, to be able to interview them and talk to them about it and hear their honest feelings – and the fact that they were free enough and secure enough to just say what they thought – is something I really appreciated.”
Ella, for her part, hasn’t let that early disappointment define her path. She’s since gone on to earn credited roles in projects like And Just Like That…, Driver’s Ed, and Happy Gilmore 2, carving out her own space in the industry.
As Stiller continues to reflect on his family’s legacy – both the gifts and the flaws – Stiller & Meara: Nothing Is Lost becomes more than just a tribute to his famous parents. It’s a powerful look at the quiet, human moments behind the spotlight, and a reminder that even the most successful parents are still learning how to get it right.
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