How to survive Thanksgiving with politically extreme family

Thanksgiving has a reputation for igniting family feuds. Why is it that political outbursts seem to occur during the holidays, often when the entire family gathers around the dining room table?

Is it the turkey, the cranberries, or the pumpkin pie that creates the conflict or something else entirely? Whatever the cause, this year’s Thanksgiving meal could end up being one of the most awkward holiday gatherings in recent history thanks in part to the recent reelection of former president Donald Trump.

While the holiday season should be a time for family bonding, that’s not always the case, especially if politically extreme relatives are involved. Heated discussions are a surefire way to turn a festive gathering into a stress-filled affair.

In order to keep the peace this year, mental health professionals with Grow Therapy have suggested five simple tips for managing interactions with a radical family member.

Set boundaries

“Ideally, it would be helpful to set boundaries ahead of time, and all agree not to talk politics during family holiday gatherings,” says Marcia LeBeau, a licensed mental health counselor with Grow Therapy.

Jennifer Kelman, a mental health expert, therapist, and licensed social worker at JustAnswer, shared her thoughts with Newsner about establishing boundaries with family members whose views may be harmful to yourself or others in your family.

She says it’s okay to give yourself permission to “choose a different path this year and do something different that feels more joyful and doesn’t encourage feelings of despair.”

Recognize where to draw the line

If even after setting boundaries a heated political debate interrupts your turkey dinner, know when it’s time to squash the conversation and move on.

“Sometimes, even with people who are incredible communicators, conversations can still become hostile or heated with people who have very extreme beliefs,” says Sean Abraham, a licensed clinical social worker with Grow Therapy. “In these situations, we have no control over how the other person will act or speak to us. To maintain our own emotional and sometimes physical safety, we may set boundaries.”

Realize it’s not your responsibility to change anyone’s mind

While you might want to change a family member’s opinion or help them see your way, it isn’t your job. Most of the time, people don’t join in a serious discussion planning to change their mind. Usually, they just want to voice their opinions.

Let them speak. It’s not worth the energy.

It’s OK to leave

You don’t need anyone’s permission to leave Thanksgiving dinner if you start to feel angry or too upset. Even if you were taught otherwise, leaving a potentially unsafe situation is not considered a moral failure.

“Some are finding that by declining invitations to avoid these stressful discussions is they best way to stay mentally healthy,” Kelman says. “The risk of anger, frustration and despair may be too great if one is around others that hold views that feel harmful to others. Politics is never an easy discussion, but things are even more difficult this cycle, so protecting oneself is crucial. That may mean skipping the event or removing yourself from the room, if things start to feel tough.”

Take a deep breathe and self-regulate

Sometimes the best option is to take a breathe, remove yourself from the situation, and self-regulate.

Marti Moron, a licensed clinical social worker with Grow Therapy, suggests:

Going for a walk
Taking a hot shower
Having a drink of water
Listening to calming music
Doing some deep breathing
Calling up a safe person

While Thanksgiving is a time for family, it often sparks disagreements, especially over politics. Mental health experts advise setting boundaries ahead of family gatherings or removing yourself from the conversation if your emotional safety becomes threatened.

Ultimately, the goal is to create a holiday environment that feels safe and enjoyable, even if that means changing traditions or spending Thanksgiving differently.