While pop culture often portrays modern sex as an endless quest for bigger, bolder bedroom experiences, one escort says most clients aren’t looking for acrobatics or novelty. Instead, they tend to gravitate toward a sex position that many people dismiss as predictable.
Movies, television and social media often create the impression that exciting sex means constantly trying something new. But experts say those assumptions can lead people to compare their own experiences against unrealistic expectations.
“One of the biggest issues for most of us when it comes to our sex lives is this comparison to other people’s sex lives,” sex therapist Vanessa Marin, LMFT, told InStyle.
“Because we don’t really talk about sex openly and transparently, a lot of us are grasping for straws trying to look for barometers that we can measure our sex life against to try to assure ourselves that we’re normal, that things are okay, and we’re keeping up with other people.”
‘Crazy positions’ not favored
That disconnect between perception and reality is something full-service escort Lillith Lodge says she sees firsthand. Despite the common belief that clients are constantly seeking novelty, she says most requests are surprisingly traditional.
“Most clients are very basic and standard in what they want,” Lodge told Metro. “It’s not super common, definitely not a weekly event, to have clients ask for something outside of what I feel is ‘normal.’ It’s pretty much just missionary.”
The revelation may come as a surprise to some, particularly because other positions often dominate conversations about sexual preferences online. Yet Lodge says many of the men she meets prioritize comfort and connection over trying something physically demanding.
“It can be very uncomfortable and not enjoyable for my clients to do crazy positions, unless they’re a really young guy,” the Aussie escort said, adding, “Sometimes they’ll ask for missionary with my feet up behind my head, (which not everyone is flexible enough to do), but that’s about it.”
Why vanilla is sweet
Despite occasionally being labeled boring or “vanilla,” missionary has remained one of the most widely practiced sexual positions for generations.
Part of its enduring appeal may come from its simplicity. Unlike positions that require significant flexibility, balance or coordination, missionary allows partners to focus on one another without worrying about complicated movements.
“A lot of people say that they enjoy having vanilla sex because it just feels safe and comfortable to them,” Marin said. “And it’s really great to have those kinds of comforting, safe experiences with our partners.”
‘Go-to for many first-time couples’
Meanwhile, relationship and intimacy website Bodyjoys says the position is especially popular among newer couples who are still learning about each other’s preferences and comfort levels.
“Missionary position is the go-to for many first-time couples as it allows them to create a greater connection,” the site explains. “Eye contact enhances the emotional connection and makes for a much more sensual experience.”
That emphasis on closeness may help explain why the position continues to rank highly despite its reputation for being conventional.
“The close proximity of both partners also makes missionary position a winner when it comes to communication,” the website adds. “You can adequately communicate what you like and dislike through noises, faces and movements while still enjoying a sensual experience.”
For many couples, that combination of communication, comfort and intimacy appears to outweigh the desire to try something more adventurous.
The goal, Marin said, “is really about just giving ourselves the permission to like what we like.”
Not everyone loves vanilla
Although missionary has plenty of supporters, experts say it is not necessarily the ideal choice for everyone.
Dr. Louise Goddard-Crawley told Metro that while the position offers emotional benefits, physical comfort can vary depending on the individuals involved.
“It also may feel more restrictive compared to other positions that allow for greater movement and range of motion,” she said.
The psychologist added that certain people may experience discomfort if they remain in the position for extended periods.
“For some, the missionary position may place pressure on joints, especially the lower back and knees, potentially causing discomfort or pain for extended periods.”
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