Hoping to get some guilt-free action outside his marriage, a man quickly regretted his decision in asking his wife to open their relationship.
Married for almost 20 years, the man explained on Reddit that he and his wife no longer shared a spark and agreed that seeing others might help save their relationship.
Keep reading to find out exactly how it all went down…
In early December, a man took to Reddit, looking for support. His post, “I made the mistake of asking my wife for an open marriage and I regret it,” explains why today he’s calling himself “an idiot.”
The original poster (OP) tells the online community that the spark he once shared with his 44-year-old wife was extinguished after 19 years of marriage. Their dull connection became obvious when their daughter moved out and joined the armed forces, leaving them as empty nesters.
“I feel like a complete idiot here…I love my wife, but I felt like the spark was gone from our lives. I didn’t want to divorce her, so I proposed an open marriage. She was upset initially but eventually she agreed.”
Celebrating his victory, he set out to explore new relationships.
But he was very wrong in thinking he would be the one to have the fun.
“I have learned that just because I wasn’t as attracted to my wife as I was when we got married it doesn’t mean other men would feel the same.” Learning that dating isn’t the same as it was 20 years ago, he continues, “My wife has so many men and dates she doesn’t know what to do with them all. Meanwhile it’s the opposite for me.”
Things get worse
Asking his popular wife for an open marriage wasn’t the only mistake he made.
To make matters worse, the author explains that he decided to ask out a woman he was crushing on in his office.
Some Redditors pointed out that this woman was possibly the catalyst for him requesting an open relationship.
One says, “I bet he had his eye on her and was thinking of her when he asked to open things up,” while another asks, “Is it possible that OP has had the hots for this co-worker for a while and decided to open his marriage so he could try to have an affair without feeling guilty?”
Though he doesn’t clarify if his colleague inspired his request, he does say she didn’t like his invitation.
The poster pens, “I was a manager at my job, but I wasn’t her manager. We worked in completely different divisions and our work had nothing to do with each other’s jobs. But even though I wasn’t her manager, and I am in an open marriage she complained to her manager and showed HR my messages. I lost my job.”
Offering a human resources perspective, one netizen shares, “From the HR perspective, they wouldn’t have fired him if he actually just asked someone out. The way he asked her out probably classified as sexual harassment.” The comment continues, “And since the co-worker went to HR with screenshots of texts, it’s possible that the texts were BAD.”
Hoping for a reversal
Meanwhile since the author’s life was taking a quick dive, he decided he wanted things back to the way they were.
Unfortunately, his wife didn’t feel the same.
Again, calling himself an “idiot,” he begged her to close the marriage but she responded with a resounding “no.”
“She said no, she’s happy with how things are. It’s killing me when I know she is with other men.”
Things weren’t going well for the man, who then turned to his brother for some sympathy and support.
He shares, “My brother called me a moron when I told him and said expecting my wife to look like she did when she got married made me a dunce. He even went so far as to say she takes good care of herself and is in great shape…she just doesn’t look 20.” He adds, “He had the nerve to say my wife looks better than me and I could stand to lose some weight.”
The OP adds, “I love my wife and I don’t want a divorce. I never wanted a divorce which is why I proposed this in the first place. But she doesn’t want to close the marriage. I’m not worried about money because we both work but I do not want a divorce. I’m just glad my daughter enlisted in the RCAF and isn’t here to see our marriage falling apart.”
Like his brother, Redditors also failed to offer any sympathy or support.
“He has no self-awareness as evidenced by his brother “having the nerve to say his wife looks better than him…” says one. A second jokes, “OP: ‘I want to open my marriage because having other partners would bring the spice back into our bedroom.’ Also OP: ‘NO NO NOT LIKE THAT.’”
Another asks for an honest conversation, “Ok let’s talk about this truthfully. You had a crush on someone at work. You asked your wife for a pass. She doesn’t want to but eventually agrees. You ask out your crush. She rejects you. You suddenly don’t want the marriage open?” The poster continues, “Dude you had a specific person in mind. Don’t dip your pen in company ink, and don’t harass people at work.”
A fourth cyber citizen sums it all up, “You can’t close Pandora’s box after it has been opened. If I was OP wife I would refuse to close it also.”
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