When children grapple with their gender identity, it initiates a challenging process that affects not only them but also those close to them.
Even with the utmost love and acceptance from parents, navigating decisions like this involve adjustments, and as one mom shared on Reddit, inadvertently hurting someone’s feelings can be an unintended consequence.
In this case, the mother, upon discovering the gender of her second child, couldn’t contain her joy about raising a baby girl, which upset her firstborn, a transgender daughter. Keep reading to find out what happened.
While the excitement of expecting a child is a joyous experience, it can become a little tricky when the new baby shares the same gender as the older transgender sibling.
This 28-year-old mom took to Reddit‘s ‘Am I The A*****e‘ forum to share her experience, writing: “My first child was from a teen pregnancy and is 14 now. My first child was born a boy, but has expressed that they don’t feel like their assigned gender from an early age (8 years old). Their stepfather and I have always been supportive of this, while still asking questions and engaging in age-appropriate conversations about the reality of transitioning.”
She then goes on to explain that her daughter presents as female and is totally fine with she/her and they/them pronouns. The woman’s recent gender reveal, however, caused some problems.
“It was revealed that we’re expecting a baby girl. Having grown up with all boys (brothers AND cousins), I was visibly excited to see pink smoke so I screamed and jumped in excitement. It’s this last part that was brought to my attention by my firstborn, as being an issue,” the mom explains.
She said that her daughter told her that it was “insensitive” for the woman to be so visibly excited about having a girl “‘as if I don’t have a daughter already’ (their words to me).”
“While I do accept them as my daughter, I reminded them that for my pregnancy, birth and first 8 years raising them, they were a boy. This seems to have pushed them even further away, as now they won’t even open their door or respond to my texts,” she explains.
The woman then concludes by asking whether she is an a*****e for being excited.
Other Reddit users took to the comments section to give the woman their advice, with one person writing: “This could easily turn into a jealousy issue. Oh you did this for the baby not me or you are spending more time with the baby than me.. given the fact you had a baby at 14 there is no way you they are going to have the same experience growing up. Maybe remind your 14 year old that you had her at her age? It’s just not the same as having a baby at 28.”
Another agreed, saying that the mom was not being a jerk for being excited. “Recognizing and addressing potential jealousy issues is crucial. Open communication is key,” they wrote. “Remind your 14-year-old that your experiences are different and that your love is not divided but multiplied. Emphasize the uniqueness of each family member’s journey. It’s an opportunity for growth, understanding, and building a stronger bond.”
One person suggested that the family could throw a gender reveal party for the woman’s daughter, so that she feels included. “Have a gender reveal party for the trans kiddo. As long as they are comfortable with it obviously. We don’t out people in this house. But you can throw a party revealing (even if the kiddo is out and fully public about it) the gender and name,” they commented.
What do you think about this situation? What would you do? Let us know in the comments!
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