Giving birth to a child is one of the most painful and stressful things a person can go through. Having other people put their expectations on you can make everything much more difficult.
Keep reading to know more about what happened between this mother-in-law and the pregnant daughter-in-law.
When Julia was pregnant with her first child, she let her wishes about the delivery process be known from the get-go; only her husband and mom would be allowed in the room.
When her mother-in-law learned about this, she was furious. She could not understand why her daughter-in-law was uncomfortable with her being in the room as well.
She decided she would begin a campaign to convince her daughter-in-law to let her accompany her in the delivery room.
She wrote, “my son, Steven, and daughter-in-law, Julia, are expecting their first child and our first grandchild next month. I had what I thought was a good relationship with Julia, but I find myself devastated. Julia has decided only Steven and her mother will be allowed in the delivery room when she gives birth. I was stunned and hurt by the unfairness of the decision and tried to plead with her and my son, but Julia says she “wouldn’t feel comfortable” with me there. I reminded her that I was a nurse for 40 years, so there is nothing I haven’t seen.
She went on, “I’ve tried to reason with Steven, but he seems to be afraid of angering Julia and will not help. I called Julia’s parents and asked them to please reason with their daughter, but they brusquely and rather rudely got off the phone. I’ve felt nothing but heartache since learning I would be banned from the delivery room. Steven told me I could wait outside and I would be let in after Julia and the baby are cleaned up and “presentable.” Meanwhile, Julia’s mother will be able to witness our grandchild coming into the world. It is so unfair.”
She ended her letter by writing, “I’ve always been close to my son, but I no longer feel valued. I cannot bring myself to speak to Julia. I’m being treated like a second-class grandmother even though I’ve never been anything but supportive and helpful. How can I get them to see how unfair and cruel their decision is?”
While the mother-in-law sought advice from Prudence in her column, an X (formerly known as Twitter) user decided to give their two cents on the issue. The letter was shared and received a lot of attention. People advised her to just let it go.
But Prudence also had some advice for the mother-in-law. She wrote, “You can’t! You shouldn’t! You are entirely in the wrong! I say this in the hopes that, after the initial flush of indignation fades, you will be braced and supported by the realization that you have been acting badly and that you need to change. It’s difficult to admit when one’s been wrong, but there’s nothing quite so clarifying as figuring out how to do better.”
She added, “Your daughter-in-law is giving birth, which is a pretty difficult, painful, and intimate process. She has every right to plan ahead for just how many people she wants to be in the room for that. This is not about you. You are going to get to see your grandchild the day they are born.”
She went on, “You will get to be in your grandchild’s life for as long as you live. Nothing is being taken from you. You are not being snubbed. Your daughter-in-law and your son are drawing a totally appropriate boundary, and you need to stop trying to argue with them about it. Frankly, I can see why they don’t want you in the room, if But I was a nurse! and I’m a second-class grandmother is your response to Please hang out and read a book in the hallway while Julia is crowning.”
Check the piece below about another strange request by a mother-in-law.
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This is a super interesting case. Everyone will surely have different reactions to this story. What do you about this situation? Let us know in the comments.
