Couples around the world are facing a quiet but growing crisis known as “sibling sex” – a phenomenon sweeping through bedrooms that few are willing to talk about. Now, a leading sex expert is breaking the silence, revealing just how widespread it really is, and sharing advice on how to fix it.
At some point in every long-term relationship, passion takes a backseat to practicality. The electric chemistry that once lit up your bedroom has been replaced by Netflix, matching pajamas, and a heated debate over what to order for dinner.
“Routine and comfort turn the relationship from exciting to predictable and stress and responsibilities take priority over sex,” Tracey Cox, sex and relationship expert, writes in the Daily Mail of the bedroom phenomenon where sex with your partner feels “uncomfortable,” “awkward” or “wrong.”
‘Sibling sex’
“Sibling sex,” she explains, is when your partner starts to feel more like a best friend than a lover – and it’s far more common that you might think.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t fix it.
“There are ways to turn “sibling sex “back into hot sex – even better, it’s best done through small changes rather than one big scary confrontation,” Cox shared.
Let’s look at how you can bring the fire back into your relationship!
Talk about it
This isn’t about a dreaded, awkward “We need to talk…” moment. Start by celebrating your connection and then, gently slide into the conversation: “We’re so good together, but we’re not exactly nailing the sex part lately, are we?”
Next, reminisce about the early days when everything was exciting, spontaneous, and a bit wild, and make a pact to bring back the heat.
Magic ingredients
At the beginning, everything was new as you discovered each other emotionally and physically. Over time, however, you developed a friendship that’s built on routine and comfort, which is great for building a life – but not so much to keep your sex life sizzling.
This is “why the closest couples are generally the ones having the least sex,” said Cox, adding that mystery and desire can be mixed back into any relationship.
Romance reboot
Start simple: ditch your usual go-to restaurant and try something new. Take a spontaneous day trip, or if you’re watching a movie, try a genre you normally avoid. These small acts of novelty wake up your brain – and your libido.
According to Cox, seeing your partner in a new setting can shift how you view them. That change in perspective can turn “same old” into “hello, stranger.”
Do less together
It’s romantic to do everything side-by-side, but a little independence goes a long way. Go out solo, see your own friends or try a hobby that’s just yours.
The goal is to create a little distance – just enough to miss each other.
Embrace “otherness”
Esther Perel, renowned psychotherapist and author of “Mating in Captivity,” says desire thrives in space. When couples become too similar – mirror images of each other – sexual energy fades.
Instead, celebrate your differences and be curious about quirks, passions, and opinions. The more you respect each other’s individuality, the more likely you’ll see each other as lovers, not siblings.
Add a dash of sensuality
Turn up the heat with playful whispers or unexpected touches. Being deliberately sensual reminds your partner – and yourself – that you’re still wildly attracted to them.
Talk about sex
Reflect on what you like about your sex life – and what you might want more of.
“Sexual compliments get you everywhere; knowing what you want is three-quarters of the battle to getting it,” Cox writes.
Focus on desires and not complaints. You’ll be surprised how far a sexy compliment can go.
Boost your confidence
Sometimes the desire drought isn’t about your relationship – it’s about how you feel in your own skin. If you’re not feeling sexy, chances are, you’re not acting sexy.
Get moving, treat yourself to some new clothes, book a haircut. Small changes boost confidence – and that makes you more open to intimacy.
Book it
This might sound unromantic but if you wait for spontaneous desire to strike, you might be waiting a long time.
Plan a weekly sex night and take turns choosing a new idea or experience, advises Cox, who suggests that “anticipation is a fine substitute for spontaneity.”
Reveal your dark side
Everyone has secret fantasies but keeping your desires bottled up is a real passion killer, Cox warns.
Whether it’s a fantasy involving a little dominance and submission or just a hot little scene you saw in a movie – speak it out loud. “The more shocking the admission is, the better,” Cox said. “The aim is to provide enough of an erotic jolt to make you see each other as sexual beings again.”
Every couple hits the “sibling sex” phase at some point, but it doesn’t mean the spark is gone. So, ditch the routine, turn up the heat, and remind each other what it feels like to want and be wanted.
Have you and your partner experienced “sibling sex?” Please share your own tips for recovering from this and then share this story so we can get the conversation started!
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