A man sparked a viral debate after sharing online that he followed the instructions of his wife, who suggested he “go get it elsewhere because you are not getting it from me.”
But when the woman learned her husband took her advice, she had a shocking change of mind. And the man, who received some support for choosing infidelity over divorce, was also met with disdain from netizens accusing him of using the “affair as leverage to get sex” from his wife.
Keep reading to learn more about this bizarre situation that’s fired up the internet!
In April 2024, a 28-year-old man shared his story on the ‘Am I the A******’ subreddit, detailing an unfortunate situation involving his wife, whom he says, “decided unilaterally that we are done having sex.”
According to his post, the woman learned she is unable to have children “due to a choice she made before we met. And kids, apparently, are the only reason she was willing to have sex.”
“I love my wife and I enjoy being intimate with her. But it was making our marriage untenable after two years of this, then I started going for counseling,” writes the intimacy-starved husband. “But no matter how I approached her about our situation she would not try and see it from my point of view. Every discussion would end with her crying and screaming in my face that I am trying to emotionally manipulate her.”
Desperately looking for a solution to have a productive conversation with his wife, the man explains he decided that writing a letter would allow him to express his thoughts without interruption.
The letter
Inviting her to join him for counseling, the husband outlined his deepest emotions in a letter to his wife.
“The last thing I wanted to do was set her off. I worked on the wording with my counselor to make sure I wasn’t saying anything aggressive that could be misinterpreted,” he writes.
While his attempts at communicating are admirable, his wife was not impressed.
“She read the letter. Then she scrawled across it with her red sharpie, ‘Go get it elsewhere because you are not getting it from me.’ Then she walked out. I sat there for about an hour doing nothing. Then I told myself that was what I was going to do.”
Executing the plan
Put in an awkward position by his wife’s words, the original poster (OP) next says that he set out to follow her instructions.
While he suggests he’s “not super attractive”, he’s confident knowing he’s “fit and a good talker.”
“It took a while, but I met someone. We started out as just friends, but it became physical. I made sure she knew I was married. She is not interested in a relationship, so I guess I am a safe option for her.”
As he “did not try and hide” his “friendship” with the other woman a secret, his wife found out.
‘Stop having sex elsewhere’
Despite giving him written permission, she did not take it well.
Accusing him of “cheating,” the man defended himself, reminding the tearful woman, “I was getting sex elsewhere.”
“I asked her what she wanted to do. She said I had to stop. I asked her if we were going to start having sex. She said I was an irrational a****** if I thought that she would have sex with me after I cheated. I went to my desk and pulled out a photocopy of the letter I wrote with her answer in it.”
After a few hours passed, the young couple tried again to communicate, the wife admitting she reread the letter, which she had not done properly before.
“She assumed it was just a letter begging for sex. She said she would go for counseling alone and with me. All I had to do was stop having sex elsewhere.”
Offering to “pause” his “friendship” with the other woman, the man agreed to break it off fully if there was progress in counseling together.
But she refused counseling, demanding he must first leave the other woman.
“It almost turned into a fight…I asked her what would compel her to go to counseling if I stopped having sex elsewhere,” he writes, adding that she didn’t have an answer, nor did she say their “relationship was worth saving.”
Before asking Redditors, “AITAH for getting it elsewhere since my wife didn’t want to have sex anymore?” he shares, “I don’t want a divorce. But I am willing to leave over this. I am 28 I am not going the rest of my life without sex. She refuses to see my side.”
No happy ending
Dividing their support between the wife and husband, the majority of Redditors agree the only solution is divorce.
One writes, “You two aren’t compatible. I don’t think there’s therapy that will change her mind on what she doesn’t enjoy doing. Just get a divorce.”
A second user offers, “I think he is in love. On one hand, his rational brain cannot fathom the thought of leaving her over something as ‘trivial’ as not having sex…This guy deserves empathy”
Meanwhile, others say the OP is the a******.
One writes, “Wow. So have you ever considered that not being able to have kids was a huge psychological blow to your wife and constantly pestering her for sex, just made it worse?”
Another snipes, “You want to use the affair as leverage to get sex from your wife. Get a divorce.”
A third says, “She’s not right, but what you did is wrong too.”
“Weird kind of religious or cultural consideration where sleeping outside the marriage is ok but divorce isn’t,” adds a fourth.
What advice would you offer this man? Please share your thoughts with us and then share the story so we can hear what others have to say!
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