Accommodating guests with disabilities at a wedding may take some careful considerations but small gestures can make a huge impact for someone with special needs.
This story is about a deaf woman, whose future sister-in-law made her feel like a burden after asking for a sign language interpreter, so she and her family – also deaf – could hear the precious vows of her only brother.
Almost two years ago, a 35-year-old woman shared her story on the ‘Am I the A******’ subreddit detailing an upsetting situation involving her brother’s wedding.
The woman explains that she’s been deaf since she was six years old, and now shares a deaf eight-year-old son with her 38-year-old husband, who was born without hearing.
The original poster (OP), who goes by the handle GullibleSandwich444, shares with Redditors that she was excited to see her younger brother and her future sister-in-law (SIL) perform their nuptials, which included reading their personalized vows.
Outlining her reasonable request, the OP writes, “I don’t want to miss out on the vows so I’ve asked my brother and his partner if he could get an interpreter for my family so we could understand.” She continues, “He was fine with it, but his partner is not keen on the idea of having a stranger up beside them as they make their vows.”
Trying to accommodate the needs of his bride and sister, the author’s brother suggested their older sister be the day’s interpreter, “so it wouldn’t be a stranger.”
She adds, “Both he and our sister are fluent in BSL [British Sign Language] as we learned it together when I became deaf to help me learn.”
But the future bride was resistant, explaining she did not want anyone standing next to her and the OP’s brother as they read their vows.
One Redditor offered a solution that came with a host of problems for the woman’s family.
“Does the interpreter need to stand next to them? Could they be closer to you instead? Could you get a copy of the vows at the ceremony so you can read along with them?” asks MelodicTutor.
Explaining why having an interpreter standing next to her family, The OP pens, “Both of these are possibilities, yes. The point of having an interpreter near them however is so we’re looking in the right direction…or fixated on a piece of paper.”
Feeling like a burden
Starting to feel like a burden, but also not wanting to miss pivotal moments of her only brother’s big day, the OP further shares, “I understand it’s her day and as the sister of her husband to be, I really don’t have any right to make demands, but I’m a bit uncomfortable she isn’t keen to make any kind of accommodations when joining a family where three members are deaf.”
She adds she would still be there, but without her son because “he’ll be bored as he won’t understand what is going on and being said without the interpreter.” Respectfully, she explains that a bored child may go rogue, “and that isn’t a good recipe for a wedding.”
Disappointed by the developing drama caused by his then fiancée, the poster’s brother said “to leave it with him and he’d see what he could do.” She said, “I know he’ll try.”
Before asking the Reddit population, “AITA for requesting my brother have a BSL interpreter at his wedding?” she adds, “I also don’t want to cause trouble for [brother].”
‘Equal view’
Dividing the community on a subject where accommodating special needs shouldn’t even be a conversation, cyber fans offered their thoughts.
“You are suggesting that the bride should have a sub-ideal experience so that you don’t. They should accommodate you, but not necessarily in the exact manner that you prefer. Her enjoyment of the day trumps yours, and you are rejecting all alternatives,” writes one.
A second shares, “To you, the sight of the interpreter is ho-hum, but to hearing people, sign language is super dramatic looking, it does draw people’s attention!” The comment continues, “I can empathize with the bride wanting the speaking of the vows to be the only thing happening visually up by the altar. I don’t think reading the vows from a piece of paper is that big a burden.”
Responding to that post, the OP tries to explain why it’s an ineffective solution. “Reading from a piece of paper without being able to know when to start/stop or look up is a burden. We’d be fixated upon the paper and miss much of the wedding.”
Other Redditors jumped in, defending the author’s position, clarifying why an interpreter needs to stand next to a speaker.
“It is so a deaf person has the same view, an equal view, as their hearing counterparts. And unlike hearing people, who can stand anywhere and hear the vows, a deaf person has limited options of being able to see and understand the context of what they are watching,” shares one.
Another, who points out the heavy discrimination in the comments, says “This is how we, all the hearing people, say you should be accommodated. Weird amount of ableism going on. If grown-ups can’t keep their eyes on the bride and are so easily distracted, they should go back to kindergarten and learn how to concentrate.”
A third, rallying for an inclusive wedding, offered her thoughts: “This bride is joining a family with [three] deaf people in it! If it were me, I’d be learning my vows in BSL, so I can speak and sign and my family can join in this celebration, that’s literally a celebration of our families joining together.”
We are huge advocates of what the last netizen suggested! Unfortunately, the poster didn’t provide an update, so we don’t know how the wedding played out. Hopefully, she was able to “hear” the vows of her only brother.
What do you think of this story? Please let us know your thoughts and then share this story so we can hear what others have to say!
READ MORE
- Husband questions marriage as post-partum wife decides to take month-long vacation
- Woman hits back at boyfriend who kept insulting her – now he’s fuming
