A private diary has become one of the most powerful pieces of evidence in Lindsay Clancy’s murder trial, revealing that the mother felt “completely disconnected” from her children in the months before she brutally killed them.
Keep reading to learn more.
The pages in a diary that were penned by 35-year-old Lindsay Clancy were never meant to be read in a courtroom.
But more than three years after the Massachusetts mother was accused of strangling her three young children, her private diary has become one of the most closely examined pieces of evidence in a trial centered on one question: what was happening inside her mind before the killings?
Diary read in court
As the trial unfolds, those deeply personal entries have become central to the case, with each side arguing they reveal something very different about Clancy’s state of mind in the weeks leading up to the deaths.
Prosecutors allege Clancy deliberately killed 5-year-old Cora, 3-year-old Dawson and 8-month-old Callan on Jan. 24, 2023. Her defense does not dispute that she caused the children’s deaths but argues she was experiencing severe postpartum psychosis after months of deteriorating mental health and extensive psychiatric treatment, leaving her not criminally responsible for her actions.
Now, those diary entries written in the weeks leading up to the tragedy are offering jurors a deeply personal look at the struggles Clancy documented long before her family became the focus of national headlines.
‘I feel like I’m drowning every day’
According to testimony reported by CBS News, prosecutor Shanan Buckingham read excerpts from Clancy’s journal after it was seized by investigators during the criminal investigation.
The entries describe a woman who repeatedly wrote about feeling “completely overwhelmed” while caring for three young children, particularly after the birth of her youngest son.
“Hearing him cry for one-plus hours and not intervening just about killed me. I even said the words ‘I want to die’ to Pat while he was crying,” Clancy wrote, referring to her now ex-husband, Patrick Clancy, 38.
“I feel like I’m drowning every day,” the former labor and delivery nurse noted.
In a separate entry, written on Nov. 18, 2022, she also questioned whether the emotional strain she was experiencing had become physical.
“It’s like I’m so desperate to get a mental break from taking care of everyone that my mind is trying to make something physically wrong with me,” she penned.
‘Completely disconnected with my baby’
During cross-examination, defense attorney Kevin Reddington read additional passages that painted a similar picture of worsening anxiety and insomnia.
“I now have horrible insomnia and anxiety which is causing depression,” Clancy wrote about her “crazy brain fog.” “I have no appetite; I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I want help. I want to be well.”
Other entries focused on what Clancy described as feeling emotionally detached from her youngest child.
“I feel completely disconnected with my baby. I feel like I’m going through the motions every day,” the mother wrote.
Elsewhere in the journal, Clancy expressed guilt over the strain on her marriage.
“I want to connect with Pat again,” she wrote. “I know he needs it; I need it.”
The diary entries were written months before prosecutors allege Clancy asked her then-husband to leave the house to run an errand while she killed their kids and also attempted to take her own life.
‘Forgive Lindsay, as I have’
Despite losing all three of his children, Patrick Clancy has continued to publicly express forgiveness toward his former wife while describing the woman he knew before her mental health rapidly declined.
In a message shared through a paused GoFundMe campaign established after the tragedy, he urged others to show the same compassion.
“I want to ask all of you that you find it deep within yourselves to forgive Lindsay, as I have.”
“The real Lindsay was generously loving and caring towards everyone – me, our kids, family, friends, and her patients. The very fibers of her soul are loving. All I wish for her now is that she can somehow find peace.”
Patrick has also filed a wrongful death lawsuit against several of Lindsay Clancy’s healthcare providers on behalf of their three children.
The lawsuit alleges she was prescribed at least nine medications, including Valium, Prozac and Ambien, in the months leading up to the killings, and argues her treatment failed to halt what he describes as her rapidly worsening mental health. According to the filing, Lindsay believed “the medications were making her worse.”
Voices told her to ‘kill the children’
According to the filing, Lindsay’s mental health took a frightening turn in the weeks before the killings.
According to the Associated Press (AP), the complaint alleges she heard “a compelling and unrecognizable singular male voice” telling her, “This is your last chance” and that she had to “take them” with her.
On the day the children died, the lawsuit claims the messages became even more alarming. Lindsay allegedly heard voices saying, “This is your last chance. Kill the children so you can kill yourself.”
Another voice warned “that her children would suffer if she was gone.”
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