Warning for sensitive readers. This post contains descriptions of physical and emotional abuse.
Domestic abuse is a serious issue that needs to be taken seriously. This post is about a man who finally opened up about the abuse his wife of 20 years put him through. The things he revealed were horrific.
Richard Spencer, who hails from East Yorkshire, England bravely shared his story of abuse and suffering at the hands of his own wife of 20 years. He recounted his experience of being married to an abusive person in a documentary to raise more awareness about male victims of domestic abuse.
The documentary was titled “My Wife My Abuser: The Secret Footage.” After the program aired earlier this week, some viewers wept at what they saw.
The documentary features a series of interviews where the now 47-year-old Spencer recalled the upsetting abuse he went through and the “most demoralizing thing” that happened in his marriage.
“I was sitting on the bedroom floor because Sheree wouldn’t let me sit on the bed. She got up to go to the toilet, and I was facing where the bathroom was; the next minute, I just realized that she defecated on my head.”
Following his recollection of the event, an audio clip from the event itself is played where he can be heard saying, “I don’t deserve it.”
“You do deserve it. Go and scrub away you c*** and clean my s*** up,” Sheree replied, according to a report in The Mirror.
The couple first met in the year 2000 at a club. In 2015, they installed a nanny cam after the birth of their eldest daughter.
The camera footage shows a lot of distressing instances of abuse. In one particular video, Sheree is seen spitting at Richard and then proceeding to grab him by his throat.
Another incident required Richard to get stitches when Sheree hit him in the back of his head with a wine glass. The incident permanently disfigured one of his ears as well.
“She used repeated acts of physical assault, threats, verbal abuse, and humiliation to punish and exercise control over me,” Spencer said
He documented his abuse and handed in 43 photographs of his injuries, 36 video clips, and 9 mobile recordings to the police. A friend encouraged Spencer to do so after he saw a bruise on his body.
He began recording to abuse as an “insurance” to make sure that if Sheree tried to prevent him from seeing their children in the future, he could have proof to back up his claims of abuse.
Throughout their marriage, one of the ways Sheree exercised control over him was with threats that she would tell the police that she was being abused. On occasion, she would even scream, “Stop it, stop it, Richard, you’re hurting me,” so neighbors might overhear and think it was him who was abusing her.
When he attempted to defend himself, Sheree would immediately threaten to hurt herself so she could tell friends or neighbors that Richard had caused her injury.
In one of the interviews, Richard recalled Sheree telling him “And once I’ve done that, I can get a restraining order against you, so you never see your baby.”
In March 2023, Sheree was given a four-year prison sentence at Hull Crown Court. She admitted to controlling and coercive behavior and three assaults that caused bodily harm.
According to reports, Judge Kate Rayfield said to the court this was “the worst case of controlling and coercive behavior” she had ever seen.
“I felt so trapped for lots of reasons. If it had not been for my friend, I’m not sure what would have happened,” Richard said in an interview with The Sun.
“I have become resigned to the fact that I will never fully recover from her abuse and that it will have a permanent damaging impact on mine and my family’s life,” he shared.
“Sheree’s abuse towards me evolved and escalated over time; she used repeated acts of physical assault, threats, verbal abuse, and humiliation to punish and exercise control over me.
“The abuse was hidden from the outside world, including friends and family. Sheree manipulated me into believing that I was a responsible and willing participant in the abuse,” he said.
“She remorselessly proclaimed that I deserved to be punished and that it was a justifiable consequence of me disappointing her in some way,” he said.
People who watched the documentary rallied in support of Richard. One person wrote, “I hope that after this has aired on TV, any MAN who suffers any sort of domestic violence doesn’t feel ashamed or alone to speak out. I hope it helps others come forward,” adding, “YOU matter, and how you are treated matters #Mywifemyabuser.”
“This poor, poor man. There must be many men out there suffering. I hope they come forward. #MyWifeMyAbuser,” another person said.
A separate viewer added, “This is horrific viewing. 20 years of this man’s life down the drain at the hands of the vilest woman #mywifemyabuser.”
“It’s crazy to think if she actually said it was him and he hadn’t gotten his own evidence. She’d probably have gotten away with this. Breaking my heart #mywifemyabuser,” somebody else pointed out a possibility.
“Heartbreaking. He is a survivor and stronger than he thinks. So glad he got away. I hope it makes more men speak out,” another person hoped.
“This was the saddest thing watching what you went through. She was pure evil, and you didn’t deserve what she did to you,” a separate person added.
Richard is now helping Mankind Initiative, a charity that helps men who have survived domestic abuse. He hopes to inspire other men in similar situations to seek a way out of their abusive relationships and seek justice.
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Domestic violence is not something to take lightly. Share this with others to raise awareness about the less talked about male victims of abuse.
